This is a distinction around the flavor of coaching that doesn’t really get talked about, but I think it’s actually crucial for coaching to live up to its promise.
So what do I mean by “The Yin and Yang of Coaching”?
Let’s begin with the more general and traditional definitions of “yin” and “yang”. To make sure we’re all on the same page.
“Yin” refers to the more feminine energy; receptive, nurturing, kind, forgiving. Yin gives space to let whatever is to simply be, that blessed energy of acceptance that says you are enough and perfect just the way you are.
“Yang” refers to the more masculine energy; driven, ambitious, out to win. Yang seeks to push beyond comfort in service of fulfilling potential, driving change through effort and determination.
Hopefully in reading this you already see the implications of the presence or absence of these energies in the way you show up for us clients. When out of balance? Problems.
All yang and no yin?
That’s the stuff of a manager barking out directives and reviewing progress reports. Creating and managing tasks, setting and tracking goals. Maybe there’s a co-creative element to those tasks and goals, but even if there is? This sort of “all about the results and numbers” is of course terribly out of fashion these days.
And rightly so. A task master just barking at you misses all of the finesse of a worthy coach; misses that human connection and feeling of partnership and camaraderie. It’ll never sell, it’s the stuff of the already thoroughly maligned management consultant. And it doesn’t work that well, anyway. Because of course we’re humans, and not just automatons here to report our progress.
All yin and no yang?
All yin and no yang, and you’re hosting conversations that are all about expressing and processing feelings. It’s a natural response to distance one’s self from the cold, unfeeling management consultant, but this can devolve into spiraling rumination, if not outright navel gazing (though a coach who plays all yin would never call that out, and might not even notice or recognize that that’s a problem).
Hopefully the chance to talk things through and the gift of being heard with turn into difference-making action on the part of the client; certainly the all-yin coach hopes so, and maybe even assumes it will as a foregone conclusion. Heck, if you think bringing yin energy is all there is to it, it’s likely your mental model that that’s all that is required to make such positive change inevitable. Remove the barriers, get rid of the blocks, and you can sit back and watch the results unfold.
But this is wishful thinking, even if partially effective. A coach who’s there to just meet you “wherever you’re at” every week is a foil for you to feel justified in following whatever feeling, backing down if confronted, easing off if feeling lazy. It is the stuff of being held to no standards, and thus de facto having none.
The Prevailing Balance of Fashion
Certainly you can see where I’m going with this. The wisdom that things work best when yin and yang energies are balanced has been demonstrated in many other areas, so it is hardly controversial that this should hold in coaching as well. What MIGHT ruffle some feathers is my observation that coaching at large, today, seems waaaaaay skewed towards yin. Like, it’s actually hard to find a coach that is genuinely results-oriented with an edge of accountability to make any talk of results more than lip service. And if we take an utter lack of accountability as a demarcation line for “all yin/no yang” (i.e. mere talk of goals and aspirations is NOT sufficient to qualify coaching as containing yang), there is a LOT of coaching that is all yin, and no yang.
And that, I contend, is a failure for coaching to live up to its promise.
The surprising result of this? It is trendy, popular, and widely accepted for coaching to be delivered in a style that objectively fails to live up to its promise.
“We’re not here to babysit our clients.”
“What they choose to do with the coaching is up to them.”
“I don’t want to overwhelm my clients who are already dealing with a lot.”
“I’m not here to make anyone feel bad.”
These are all very reasonable stances. These are all also popular rallying cries of what is ultimately all-yin coaching. All-yin coaching might well be more palatable up front, and in the moment of delivery. But to offer that as a way to ostensibly “give us clients what we want”? Short sighted. Because looking back and wondering what we got for our time and money, and finding little, is far less palatable in the long run.
THUS CoachAccountable makes it easy to add in a yang component (of results, accountability, and follow through) that might otherwise easily go missing.
Moreover, CoachAccountable is happy to play “bad cop” to your “good cop”, being the one to objectively presence simple facts like such-and-such didn’t get done and the deadline is now passed, or a given measure for this week has fallen short of the decided upon target. With that awareness in the mix as a simple account of “what’s so”, you’re free to bring that expectation of follow through without any heat, just a situation to be dealt with as a matter of your client honoring their word.
