Probably. Consider the possibility that the answer to that question is: probably.
I want to distinguish a scale, call it the “Degree of Investment” scale, i.e. how invested you are in the person you’re talking with.
At the lower end of the scale, you’re like a polite stranger on a bus. No real investment at all. You are well meaning to this person before you. You are happy to listen and maybe even offer a word of encouragement or insight along the way. (I mean heck, why not? We all like to feel useful.) You know none of their back story going in and have to be gotten up to speed, but you’re happy to show up and give your best until it’s your stop. You genuinely wish them well as you part.
At the upper end of the scale, you’re like their loving and attentive mom. You know their whole back story, the arc of it all. You’re deeply aware of who this person is, what they aspire to be, and the ups and downs they’ve had to date. It genuinely matters to you that they thrive, and you can’t wait to hear how it all went when you talk again next.
During every one of your sessions with your clients, you are always somewhere along this spectrum in the way you listen to them.
At one end of this spectrum, we’re just your ten o’clock on Tuesdays and we can feel it. At the other, you’re our trusted ally and there’s no one in our corner quite like you are. We can feel that, too.
I had a coaching relationship that touted in the brochure being the latter (and charged accordingly) while definitely feeling more the former. My coach was largely a blank slate each week, even though if you’d have asked me at the time I’d have said the calls were great. As I’ve written here, that wasn’t great customer service, that was lazy.
Think about your most recent session, the client you most recently talked with. Where did you sit on that scale during that conversation? Recognize this: your self-image as a coach quite possibly assumes you’re always on the high end. As in, it’s a foregone conclusion. Certainly, projecting as much is part of the role you (and every other coach) naturally play. Which is why you really have to look. Don’t just assume you were on the high end.
The juice here is the recognize the assumption, while seeing whatever degree to which you actually fall short.
This may seem a no-brainer, but it bears saying anyway: we clients like it when you’re higher up on that scale.
And another insight that’s less obvious: if you pretend to be higher and you’re not, the discrepancy is more obvious than you think.
Wanna be higher on that scale? Then actually know who we are, don’t just be quick on your feet to be great with whatever we’re talking about in the moment.
Wanna know who we are? Then write some stuff down. Or ask us to tell you in a way that gets written down. Write stuff down at the beginning, when we’re getting established working with you, and every time we have a session. And review that as often as you need in order to credibly know who we are when we talk next. Just 5 minutes prior will probably suffice.
In other words, be better than a polite stranger on a bus, even the polite stranger who genuinely wishes us well. A surprising number of coaches are proud to operate at roughly that level, and that’s a low bar to clear if you want to excel.
- By assigning thoughtfully designed Worksheets for your clients to fill out, they’ll be prompted to write out a little about who they are and what they want out of working with you. This is great for an intake form filled out when they schedule their discovery call with you, for example.
- By taking time to co-create an account of the big picture and long term goals captured on an in-app Whiteboard, you’ll have a living document that’s easy to refer back to as the relationship progresses.
- By taking and sharing Session Notes as a ritual of your sessions, you’ll keep a succinct diary of how things are unfolding with every conversation you have.
These 3 avenues enrich the relationship itself, while making it easy for you to truly know and track with whom you are speaking with.
