“Being a gift” is an admittedly curious turn of phrase. It’s one that I recall hearing back in my early days dabbling in what I like to call the “transformational arts”. Here amid the holiday season when gift giving is so top of mind, let’s take a beat to consider what that phrase means, and moreover what it might look like when a coach takes on being a gift to her clients.
If you’re being a gift to someone else, certainly your presence is the stuff of a welcome blessing. But more than that, like the best gifts, it’s the stuff of a delightful surprise, providing perhaps something the recipient didn’t even know they wanted (or secretly wanted, but was too proud or bashful to ask for).
So how do you be that sort of gift for your clients this season (or anytime, really)? There are a few ways that come to mind, ways which resemble that sort of unexpected (or secretly wished for) delight.
The first I can think of is acknowledgement. At this time of year (or any occasion worth marking), it’s a real gift to take a beat from the usual work to acknowledge your client. Acknowledge them for what? You’re their coach, so you’ve presumably had a front row seat to not only their accomplishments during their time working with you, but also, hopefully, you’ve got an intimate view into what they really want for and aspire to. Speaking as someone who’s been really tuned into how things are unfolding for them (which I like to call being a genius truly in their world), to take time to specifically call out what you see as their accomplishment feels great to hear, and doing so will also likely underscore that they are indeed getting good things out of working with you.
What else? This next one is probably part and parcel with what you generally do as a coach, but another way of being a gift I can think of is to ask good questions. What kind of questions occur as a gift to the receiver? Not the usual fact-finding questions or those probing for an update, but the sort of questions that give them a chance to riff about something they are proud of and would be happy to share with anyone who wanted to know. Questions, the answering of which, allow us to be really known. The essential part is you have to have earnest interest, asking from a place of genuine, unhurried curiosity. I had a call with a customer who asked me what values drove me in what I do with CoachAccountable. He really wanted to know, and boy was it a treat to share as much1I have an employee who regularly asks me such questions. It is not an insubstantial part of what makes him a joy to work with.. Any question that invites the receiver to get present to what’s important to them and the proud aspects of who they are is probably a gift question.
What other ways can a coach be a gift to their client? Certainly being a safe space in which a client can be heard and fully gotten is a gift, perhaps one of the more profound gifts a coach can give their client. Heck, it’s among the most profound gift anyone can give another: we all crave to be fully understood, especially when we can be fully ourselves, i.e. knowing it’s safe to share whatever’s truly on our mind in an unguarded way. This is of course less of a special occasion type of gift than an ongoing, established thing. You can’t say out of the blue in your 3rd session “Okay, now you’re free to be totally vulnerable with me and I’ll understand, let ‘er rip.” That sort of rapport has to be created and earned2How do you create that sort of gift-like safe space? That’s an art probably fit for its own essay, but as a start it’s useful to remove whatever tends to undermine it, such as a machine listening in and recording every word (and if that observation makes you balk, that too is for another essay)..
How else to be a gift? How about holding your client as big: capable and up to things. Not everyone has someone in their life that gives them a powerful listening, but even when one does, having another who specifically speaks to you and treats you that way is always welcome. Heck, holding one as big enough to call them out when they fail to follow through (on what they said they would do) is a sort of gift, albeit counterintuitively. There are probably more, but this is a pretty good starting list of how to be a gift to us clients. It turns out that you as coach are rather uniquely positioned to do so.
These are some pretty good ways of being, giving what us clients might really be yearning for in ways that can both surprise and delight. And if you’re looking for a more tangible gift to actually give to clients (beyond how you show up in our presence), it turns out some well-written session notes make a genuine gift, too.
So this holiday season, play with being a gift. You can try one or two of these on your very next call. You might discover some practices that are worth weaving into your more everyday style.
Notes:
- 1I have an employee who regularly asks me such questions. It is not an insubstantial part of what makes him a joy to work with.
- 2How do you create that sort of gift-like safe space? That’s an art probably fit for its own essay, but as a start it’s useful to remove whatever tends to undermine it, such as a machine listening in and recording every word (and if that observation makes you balk, that too is for another essay).
